m a r k a n d e y a

Scoring sob points…

Posted by Brian on April 28, 2006

A man was arrested by Korean police for sexually absuing 13 women over the past 15 months. How did he handle it? Like any good criminal in Korea, he took the "woe is me" tact in hopes of garnering sympathy:

He confessed his guilt and regretted his acts after being interrogated, the police said.

Full confession and statement of regret: 2 sob points.

Kim told the police that he wanted to satisfy his sexual desire and needed money to find his ex-girlfriend who used to live with him, investigators said.

Girlfriend left him: 4 sob points.

He also said he prayed in church everyday for fear of being caught, but was not able to give himself up to the police out of concern for his widowed mother.

Regular churchgoer and sickly, widowed mother: a whopping 11 sob points!

That staggeringly amazing display of self-pity earns him <grabs calculator> 17 sob points, and most likely a reduced sentence for his "unique situation." Way to go, guy!

UPDATE: Here's a picture of the alleged rapist:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Is it just me or is every major criminal in Korea arrested while wearing the same jacket and hat?

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5 Responses to “Scoring sob points…”

  1. Charles said

    I like how he prayed in church everyday “for fear of being caught.” Not “for forgiveness for his sins” or “for help from God to stop being such an evil man,” but “for fear of being caught.” Like everything else in his sob list, it was just another way for him to game the system.

  2. Minseok said

    korean policemen probably carry a arrested criminal’s outfit in their cars in lieu of a shotgun

  3. Pelagius said

    What? He couldn’t find a way to blame the IMF for it, too? Slacker.

  4. Cockenstien said

    I thought it would be obvious that American soldiers forced him to rape girls and that when he was young he was told a story about comfort women and therefore the Japanese are also to blame because they corrupted his pure Korean mind.

  5. partypooper said

    ‘unique situation’ indeed. It should go without saying that this piece of shit should never be back on the streets, but odds are he’ll be out in 5-10 years, working hard to make up for lost time.

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